sounded as bad as I felt. "Ten seconds after you thought of it would have been good," Delenn
replied. Was she ever right! She sounds on the edge of tears. How
strange. This is only the third time she's ever been so upset as to cry, and I can't help her this time. I did it. I caused this. How... how
will she ever forgive me? "Yeah. Yeah, maybe so." The best I could do was try to agree with
her. "Are you all right?" I managed to ask. Would she ever be the
same? "I think so. It will just... take some getting used to." Oh, God! Why am I doing this to her, to me, to us? Why... why... why...??? ---------- Something was wrong. What was it? If I could just remember! I
rolled over and looked at Delenn. She was sleeping peacefully. She was
gorgeous. I touched her arm. She opened her eyes and began to smile. Suddenly she jumped up, pulling away from me, and said in a tightly
controlled voice, "Don't touch me!" I knew she meant it, too. She silently turned and walked into the bathroom. I sat there, remembering what had happened last night. I looked up, as she came in
dressed and grabbed a folder of flimsies. Her voice sounded tight and
controlled as she said, "I am going to my quarters to review the current
situation on the Rangers." "You can do that here." I had to get her to stay. We could talk or, or, or... Somehow I had to make this right. "No. I would prefer to work alone. I have decided to move my meeting
with the Vree ambassador to tonight. I will be home late." She turned to
leave. "Delenn, what about dinner?" She paused for a minute. "I'll get something in the Zocalo. I'm sure
you have more important meetings with the captain anyway." She almost
lost it when she mentioned Lochley. I started to say that she knew that wasn't true, but she had already
walked out of the bedroom doors and left. I got out of bed, and felt my
mind numbing. ---------- After finishing the reports on the Rangers and meeting with Mitchell
about the current patrols, I headed for the transport tube to meet the
Vree ambassador. My thoughts wandered to John for millionth time that
day. Maybe I was wrong to be mad. A thought dawned on me as I waited for
the tube to pick me up. Perhaps he didn't tell me because he was afraid
of losing me. That's it! He was afraid to tell me because he loved me so
much and thought perhaps I wouldn't love him any more if I found out. I
shook my head sadly. I would have to explain it to him. The transport
doors beeped, bringing me out of my reverie. I stepped inside, not
noticing who also occupied the tube until the doors were firmly shut. Captain Lochley. "Why, Delenn. How nice to see you." Her voice is dripping with
sarcasm. I'll just pretend not to notice. "And you, Captain." "I hear," Lochley said slowly, "that you and the President had a
little run-in concerning my previous marriage to him. I just wanted to
assure you there is nothing going on and that it is over. And has been
for a long time," she continued as the doors opened. Then, just loud
enough so I could hear, she muttered, "Not yet, anyway." I gasped. What was the Captain talking about??? I rushed out and
caught up with Lochley, not caring how late I was for my meeting. "What do you mean, Captain?" "Nothing, really. It's just that the President has been acting pretty
funny lately, and staying pretty late in the council room with me. Listen, Delenn, I would love to stay and chat, but I have other things to
do. Please excuse me." The Captain isn't, can't, be telling the truth! I'll have to go and
see John later. He will probably be in his office. I stepped back into
the transport tube and silently headed for the Vree ambassador's quarters, wrapped up in my own thoughts. ---------- I couldn't keep my mind off Delenn as I sat trying to read the reports
on the Alliance. I looked up as I heard the sound of footsteps. Was it
Delenn? Please let it be her. Lochley rounded the corner. "Mr. President." "Captain, what can I do for you?" I was sure my voice sounded a
little more uptight then I had intended. She seemed to roll her eyes. "Mr. President, may I speak frankly?" "Yeah, sure, go ahead." For some reason I couldn't focus well on
Lochley. Spots were swimming in front of my eyes. "I am not to be held responsible for whatever impression Delenn took
out of our conversation in the transport tube. I was simply trying to
explain that what we had was gone a long time ago and not to worry much
about your staying late with me in the council chambers because nothing
had happened, yet." Her words sank in and I leaped up from my desk. Papers scattered all
around the floor. The spots were swimming faster now. "You said WHAT??" I roared, stepping in front of my desk into the middle of those papers. She looked at me with utter coolness. Suddenly I started to sway. I felt my whole body shut down as the
ground rushed up to meet me. I hit the floor hard. I saw Delenn walk in
just as Lochley whispered sweetly, "Oh, John!" Through all the spots I saw Delenn stop in her tracks. She gasped as
her eyes filled with pain. "Delenn, wait," I said, realising what this
must look like to her. Me in the middle of fallen papers with Lochley on
her knees and my face pressed into her chest. Delenn turned and ran from
the room. Just then the force of how sick I was hit me. Blackness
surrounded me, easing me into my nightmares. ---------- I ran till I was out of breath. What time was it? How long had I
been running, hoping all the while to forget what I had seen? The scene
stayed clear in my mind though, giving me no peace. For the first time in
my life, I, Entil'zha, former ambassador and Satai, am running away. Leaning against a wall, the scene came back to me even more clearly. John
was on the floor of his office, the captain too, and there they were in
the middle of these scattered papers, with his face in her chest and her
whispering, 'Oh John.' That couldn't have been what had happened, it
couldn't have been. Yet I had seen clearly. I turned at the sound of footsteps to see Dr. Franklin coming towards
me. I looked at him wearily. "What can I do for you, Doctor?" "Delenn, John's in Medlab." "Why?" "That's the weird part. We don't know." "What?" "We have no idea what's wrong with him." Dr. Franklin looked
nervously around. He motioned to me to follow. Whispering, he said, "The
things I found last year in his neural system - they are rapidly
decreasing. I don't know what's the matter. It's as if they're
evaporating at a slow yet constant rate." John! No, it's too soon! This can't be happening! Not now! And
yet, is it for the better? You would probably have left me after what I
saw between you and Lochley. NO!!! That is not the truth. I will not
allow myself to believe that. Dr. Franklin was speaking again. "Apparently he wasn't looking so
well when the Captain came to speak to him, and later, when he jumped up
to confront her, he passed out." Could it have been? John is faithful! "Can I see him?" Please, Doctor, you must! I need to see him." "Yes. In his sleep, he's been begging for you to come. He's so loud
I had to come to find you so he'd let the other patients get some sleep." I can't lose you now. Not now when I know the truth. "Thank you, Doctor." "No problem." Nearing Medlab, I heard a hoarse voice yelling, "Delenn, please, Delenn, forgive me, come back, no, Delenn!" "Is that John?" I managed to ask the doctor. "Yes, it is. He's been that way for the past hour, and I assume all
the time I was looking for you." Entering Medlab quietly, I walked up to his bed. "John, my love, I'm
here." "Delenn?" ---------- My eyes opened slowly, revealing Delenn's beautiful face hovering over
me. "Delenn, I... I... nothing was happening... I... really... I was mad
about what she said to you and how she would not be held responsible for
any of your reactions. I jumped up and... and... and knocked my papers
down on the floor. I don't really know what else happened. I think I
fainted." "Shhh, it's OK. I'm here now." "Please, please, say you believe me!" "I do, John, I do. And I wanted to say that I forgive you for holding
out on me about your previous marriage to the Captain." "I was afraid... afraid you'd love me less. That you wouldn't want to
be with me. And... I only picked her because I knew how well she handled
crises and difficult situations. She always did well in the academy on
strategics." "I understand now, my love. Please promise me something, though." "Anything." "You will never, ever, hold back anything from me again. As you once
said to me, 'could I love that much and not forgive?' There will never be
anything that you could ever have done that would make me love you less." "I love you Delenn, heart and soul." "I know. Now rest some more." Closing my eyes, I thought about what she had said. It was stupid of
me to have held back from her. I loved her too much to do that. Smiling, I slept, knowing she was near. --2 days pass-- "Amazing," muttered Dr. Franklin. "What is?" I asked
"Those things in your neural system have actually restored themselves
and are doubling." Franklin suddenly looked at me strangely. "Delenn, come here a
moment." "Yes, doctor?" He pulled her aside. What was he saying to her? Her eyes widened in
surprise. Uh oh... She walked angrily up to the examination table I was
sitting on. "John! How could you? I thought you loved me! I never
thought... I hate you! I wish you had stayed dead at Z'ha'dum." "Delenn... I... what...?" She turned away from me. What was going on? The spots were coming
back, stronger than the last time. "Delenn, quick, now!" She turned to face me once more. I could hardly see her through the
spots. I felt her warm lips press against mine. I breathed in sharply. What the hell? One moment she screams at me, the next she kisses me like
that! What's going on? The spots seemed to have stopped. This is crazy! I looked back to Delenn, who was staring amazedly at a chart Dr. Franklin
had handed her. She looked up. "John." She pulled me to her once more and kissed me
hard. I fell back when she released me. Whoa! "What's going on here? I demand to know! One moment I get told to
stay dead, the next I get kissed. Explain, now." "Well, John, it turns out that Lorien left a little present for you. When your mind, consciously or otherwise, thinks Delenn will leave you or
is losing her love for you, it sends a telepathic message to the things in
your system and they suicidally evaporate. When your conscious... uhhh... knows she loves you and will always be there or something along those
lines, it rebuilds the things and doubles them." My mind flashed back to a small box in my dresser. A small box
containing a data crystal. Could he have...? "Doctor, I need to go to my
quarters a minute." "But..." "Please, I'll come right back, I swear. I need to get something." I
looked at him with pleading eyes, and he agreed. I hopped off the table, pulled on a pair of pants and a shirt, and turned to leave. "I'll be
right back." With that I raced out the door. I arrived back at Medlab completely out of breath. Holding my
treasure, I walked back into the examination room. Dr. Franklin closed
the curtains again and I pushed the data crystal into the slot. Lorien's
face came on to the screen. He began talking. ~*~*~*~*~ Captain, I, unlike the Vorlons, am not telepathic. I did not
know how deep your feelings for the Ambassador were. Therefore I did not
tell you of this gift - or curse. The regenerative cells inside your body
will continue to sustain you, barring any illness or injury, until the
Minbari Ambassador decides to stop loving you or passes beyond the veil. Do not pay any heed to this message if it was not a pure, unselfish love
that you had or feel. For the regeneratives live on love, but love for
one only, and they leave no room for another. Strange as it may seem, I
gave you this gift because all you sacrificed, all you gave of yourself, was out of love. Love for your home, for your Ambassador, for peace, and
for life. Therefore you were given - no, you deserved - a reward. A
moment, as only a lifetime is, of perfect beauty. It also comes with a
price though. If you, or she, stop loving each other, the regeneratives
will slowly degenerate and you will stop. If your conscious or
subconscious mind believes you have lost her love, they will begin to
dissolve or evaporate. If by some chance your love is restored, the
regeneratives will double and you will continue. I can only hope that the
universe serves you well in your quest. I will see you again, in the
place where no shadows fall. Both of you. ~*~*~*~*~ ---------- Delenn didn't trust herself to speak. Her dreams of having him for
longer than twenty years were coming true. She looked up and noticed that
they were in their quarters. Her old quarters in Green sector had been
changed into an office. His quarters were now filled with Minbari and
human knickknacks. It had been decided that Lennier, when he had time off
from his training, would stay in her quarters as a guest. It saved both
money and hassle. She looked up at John to see his worried face looking down at her. "Aren't you happy, Delenn?" "Oh John, sometimes words and expressions cannot show how happy I am. I just wanted you to know, I meant nothing of what I said in Medlab." "I know, but I could use some reassurance." Delenn wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him gently. She felt
a surge go through their bodies. His lips responded eagerly, pressing
harder, more passionately. He separated them both. "I think we had
better continue this on the bed, before we end up on the floor." He picked her up gently and carried her into the bedroom, stopping
only to shut the doors. Sighing gently to himself he prayed that nothing like this would ever have to happen again. This love he had for Delenn, was too precious to lose. [End]